


Braved And Beat Them On My Own

by DryadOffical (HalfDryad)



Category: King Falls AM (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Gay Character, Canon-Typical Homophobia, Character Study, First Kiss, Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:07:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23362939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HalfDryad/pseuds/DryadOffical
Summary: Samuel “Sammy” Jaci Stevens was born to Roberta and Vance Stevens on a clear Friday morning on November 16, 1973. He was a small baby, smaller than expected, but healthy and born right on time for what was expected. His parents were overjoyed at the sight of a little baby boy in their arms, cradled close and sleeping happily in the warmth there. Sammy, Samuel, Sam, he was called those three names growing up, Sam for quick shouts for him from across the house, or when he and his dad were working in the yard for one reason or another. Samuel for the rare times he was in trouble, he tried to be as good as possible for his parents. And Sammy for their day to day activities.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	Braved And Beat Them On My Own

**Author's Note:**

> Man.. Finally getting around to posting this! This has been in the works for over a year and a half now, and with a gentle rewrite, chapter one is finally here. I've been wanting to do a character study for so long, but because of my own mental health and the subject(s) I'd be covering in this fic, I couldn't do it when I first wanted to. But now after some kind words from friends, I'm finally posting chapter one. 
> 
> Now most of the chapters will probably be between 1-2k words, because that's about the max I can do before getting drained of writing, unless I really fall into a session of writing where I'm really into it. This mostly because I do tend to write chapters/fics in one sitting or else I'll not remember to come back to it, but I think with this I'll take my time and write as much as I can, maybe more. 
> 
> Fic title is from The Humbling River by Puscifer!
> 
> Edit: Says only one chapter for now! Will be adding chapters as I go along because it may take me longer than most do write more than just a little bit. Most chapters will probably be able to be read as an alone thing, just in case

Samuel “Sammy” Jaci Stevens was born to Roberta and Vance Stevens on a clear Friday morning on November 16, 1973. He was a small baby, smaller than expected, but healthy and born right on time for what was expected. His parents were overjoyed at the sight of a little baby boy in their arms, cradled close and sleeping happily in the warmth there. Sammy, Samuel, Sam, he was called those three names growing up, Sam for quick shouts for him from across the house, or when he and his dad were working in the yard for one reason or another. Samuel for the rare times he was in trouble, he tried to be as good as possible for his parents. And Sammy for their day to day activities. 

Growing up, Sammy knew a lot of things. He was taller than the average boy in his class, he was pretty smart and sarcastic at times, he knew his father worked long hours but would still always be there to play with him on the weekends and when he asked. Sammy knew that his mother worked at the corner store just walking distance from their little home, and before he started school, or in the summers, he would sit and help her as much as he could. He spent a lot of his time listening to the radio, listening to the people talk, and the music his parents liked as well. 

Sammy also knew, and it scared him a little but he didn’t know why, that his parents didn’t like gay people. 

Sammy didn’t know why his parents thought that, they were good people, they donated their time and money to people who needed it, yet they scoffed when they saw things about gay people being sick on the television. Sammy was a little scared to ask them why they thought these things, so he kept quiet about it all. 

He didn’t know what that meant until he was much older, while he wasn’t sheltered, he was still kept close to his parents as he grew up. When he finally realized what that meant, he felt a pang of sickness in his stomach, but decided to ignore it for the time being. 

_

The first time Sammy realized, without a doubt, he might be attracted to men was Freshman year of high school when they were having some sort of safety demonstration going on for part of the day. The last thing on the list was some local firefighters coming in to talk to them, show off equipment, and other such things. They were being shown one of the trucks and being helped in and out, because while they were in high school, the freshmen were still quite small. Not Sammy, he was already closing in on 6ft at the age of 14, a gaggle of scrawny limbs at the time. When he was going to climb down from the fire engine, his shoe snagged onto the foot hold and he lost his balance and almost ended up face first into the grass below. 

It took a moment for Sammy to realize what the hell was happening, because all he knew was that his heart was trying to beat its way out of his chest and that he really didn’t want to cry from fear. But he was grabbed, the side of his body pressed up against another as he was fighting off a panic attack.

“You okay there bud?” Comes a rough, but kind sounding voice just a bit above him. He’s helped onto solid ground and he finally managed to look up at the man who just saved him from an embarrassing fall, he was glad his skin was a deep brown to hide the flush that he suddenly felt jump up onto his face. The guy was tall, broad in all forms of the word, and had a kind smile under a bushy beard that had some grey streaking through it. Sammy could feel a little bit of nervous laughter bubble out of him as he nods his head, smiling sheepishly. 

“Ye- Yeah. Thanks for helping.” The firefighter claps a hand onto his shoulder and gives a laugh that makes his eyes light up a bit. 

“It’s what I’m here for kiddo.” The man nods and Sammy nods again, muttering another soft thank you before he’s zipping off once more, going to whatever next thing the school has planned for the day. 

On his walk home after school that day, he tries to think back on his life since then about any other times this might have happened. He could never really recall having a thing for girls like other guys his age, he never really thought about it until now. He remembers when he was about eight and his parents had taken him to the park and he had fallen from a tree, breaking his arm, he remembers the rush to the hospital, and the salt and pepper haired doctor who was so kind to him. The man who talked to him in a soft voice as he talked him through an x-ray and all the other things to fix him up before he could finally go home. Sammy remembers that doctor's handsome face once more and can’t stop thinking about it. The pang of nervous sickness isn’t a shock. 

Sammy goes home that night and locks himself in his room, saying he wasn’t feeling well, and had a lot of homework to get through that evening as the best excuse he could come up with. Once he half finishes his work for the night, he burrows his face under one of his pillows and thinks of strong men and soft smiles until he’s crashed out on his bed. He wakes the next morning, his books and supplies neatly piled up on his desk, his mother must have come in during the night to check up on him, and kindly put away his things. 

_

Sammy has his first “real” crush on another boy his own age his senior year of high school. He was deemed the quiet kid but was still liked by a lot of the kids in his own grade, especially as they got older, he wasn’t popular, but he wasn’t an outlier. He could fit in easily with a group of people, and he used that to his advantage whenever he could, and it worked pretty well. 

He also had his first girlfriend in junior year, and that lasted all of six months and while nothing was bad between the two of them, the breakup was a little awkward, because what one isn’t for a bit. And the first boy he had a crush on was a new student their senior year, who was quickly taken under the wing of Sammy’s little friend group who he liked a lot. The kids his parents said he needed to stay away from, the punks who he felt right at home with more than anyone else in the school. And the kid, Carson, fell right into their little group with ease, his style changed the longer he hung out with the group, and the first time Sammy met his parents, they seemed to be… pretty cool. They liked Carson’s new style, liked the hidden piercings in Sammy’s ears, and were just… something he wasn’t very used to. 

The group, four of them at least, would always be gone during the weekends, driving as far as possible away to get somewhere where no one knew them, and where they could chill for a little bit. Sammy cherished these times and hoped at times they would never stop because those were the times where he was the most happy, where he didn’t have to hide who he was to his parents and the community. While he was still closeted to even his friends, there was something just different about being in their presence where he didn’t feel the need to come out, but still felt at ease. 

Now, kicked back next to Carson, the two of them going on their own adventure during spring break, he felt the most at ease he’s ever felt in his life. Carson came from the big city, all the way from somewhere on the west coast that Sammy never thought about before. To move from a place that seemed so amazing, to a small town in fucking Florida, he couldn’t fathom it. He’s deep in thought, not noticing Carson’s hand waving in front of his face for a moment. He blinks, shakes his head, and turns his head to look over at Carson.

“You good there man?” Carson asks, a grin on his handsome face. Sammy feels the back of his neck heat up and he nods. Carson was shorter than him by a bit, strong arms, and a squarish jaw, all framed with blonde hair that just fit him more than anyone else. 

“Uh yeah, just thinking.” The other boy snorts, nodding. 

“Well yeah I can see that.” He grabs the cigarette that’s sitting behind Sammy’s ear and puts it between his lips. “What about?” 

“What I’m gonna do after school. Already got accepted into the college I want to go to, but still… I can’t stop thinking about what’s just gonna happen down the road.” Sammy picks up the lighter in the center between them, holding it up after flipping it open, lights it up and holds the flame to the end of the cigarette. Sammy is close to Carson now, can feel the warmth from the other man and smell the nicotine coming from the cig, he accidentally locks eyes with Carson as the man breathes in, inhaling the smoke and he  _ grins _ at Sammy, and it makes him flustered. It’s a moment of silence between the two of them before Carson pulls the cigarette from his lips and hands it over to Sammy, who nervously takes his own drag. 

“I’ve been thinking about it too, I’m heading back to the west coast for college so I think that’ll be nice. The beach, the sun.” There’s a pause between them as Sammy hands him the cigarette again. “The people.” 

“The people?” Sammy tilts his head and lets his eyes fall to where the end of the cig falls between Carson’s lips. 

“The  _ beautiful  _ people, Sammy. Girls and guys, all tanned and mmm, incredible.” Sammy can feel his heart start to race as he looks from Carson and away, not processing the things he’s hearing. He can’t help the nervous chuckle that comes from his throat. 

“Guys?” Sammy asks after a moment, looking back to his friend. There’s a silence between the two of them, Sammy fidgeting in the passenger seat, his hands twisting together, Carson assessing the situation. 

“You got a problem with that Stevens?” There’s a venom behind his friend's voice that he hadn’t heard before, it scared Sammy a little. Carson was looking at him, eyes narrowed and eyebrows scrunched together. It’s another long moment and Sammy can feel the hot tears building up in his eyes, before it’s all just… becomes a waterfall as he sobs into his hands. 

Sammy Stevens is not much of a crier, his parents haven’t seen him cry since he was a little kid, and then the only times he’s come close to this kind of crying is when he was along in his bedroom or in the shower. Carson, one of his best friends, is shocked by this. He drops the cig into the ashtray between them and grabs one of Sammy’s wrists gently into one of his hands. Sammy has filled out since he was 14, no longer the scrawny kid who was taller than anyone else, he was still one of the tallest around, but now he had a little bit of softness, of fat surrounding his exterior. 

“Sammy. Sammy, hey. Man, look at me.” Carson brushes his fingertips against Sammy’s cheek and just waits. Sammy takes a moment to compose himself, wiping the tears from his eyes and looking over at his friend. “What’s going on?” 

“How could you just say that outloud, without being scared of telling me?” Sammy says, his voice wavering as he talks. 

“What?” Carson is confused for a moment. “Oh! The thing about dudes? I just… I guess I was so used to being around my parents and open with them about it, and. Fuck, Sammy, you’re one of my best friends, I just guessed I could tell you of all people. Punks are usually… more accepting of that sort of thing.” 

“Do… the others know?” Sammy asks. 

“A couple of them, they’re bi too, or at least… not straight.” Carson chuckles. He looks at Sammy, pale blue eyes soft as he grabs one of Sammy’s hands in his own, giving him a soft private smile. 

“I… I can’t… I.” The words try to come out of his mouth, but it’s like they get caught in his throat and he can’t do anything but flounder there, trying to just say anything to the boy across from him. He had never said anything about his attraction before in his life, not even to himself. Sammy’s attraction to men was something he squashed down inside of him for so long, that even he couldn’t say anything about it. Not even in a time where he would be perfectly safe to do so. 

Sammy just leans forward, pressing his forehead against Carson’s in a moment of weakness, needing the comfort from the touch of another person in general. He hears a soft little exhale of breath from Carson, and then feels the guy wrap his arms around Sammy’s shoulders, just holding him there. 

“I know how hard it is, I’ve had friends back home not even be able to get the words out, be nearly killed because of this kind of thing. It is scary, it’s the worst feeling in the world. But Sammy, I just need you to know that there’s people out there who are good, I learned that from my parents because I was scared, and they were accepting. I know this is redundant now, but I look back on past conversations I’ve had like this happily, because I needed to be told that my attraction wasn’t a bad thing.” Carson runs a hand through Sammy’s hair and just talks softly to his friend, letting the man be calmed this way. “You don’t have to say it, not now. But I am here for you.” 

“Thank you.” Sammy's soft voice comes as he slowly pulls away from Carson’s embrace, his eyes have dried now, and he smiles at his friend. 

“Anytime.” 

“Can I…” Sammy lets out a large breath through his nose and makes a face. “I want… This sounds so god damn dumb. But can I… Kiss you?” he asks, his voice getting lower as he says the last few words. Carson looks at him for a moment, his eyes wide, then a large grin spreads across his face as he nods. 

“Oh please, please do.” 

Sammy doesn’t really know what to do, he’s kissed people before, girls at parties and his first ‘girlfriend’, but nothing really felt right during those times. But Carson takes the lead, grabbing Sammy’s face between his hands oh so gently, and pulls him close. It’s at this moment that Sammy is very happy that it’s dark outside, the only light coming from one overhead street lamp as they’re parked in front of the ocean. 

Sammy leans in as Carson pulls him close, and their lips touch after a moment, and Sammy feels like he just  _ melts  _ into the kiss. Something about it just feels so right, and he grabs onto Carson’s shoulders, holding him close, pressed against him as they kiss in the dark car, tasting the nicotine from the cigarettes they were smoking, and the light sweetness from the gum Carson was chewing earlier. 

Throughout the next few months, the two find ways to sneak away together, sharing kisses and stolen moments with one another, away from Sammy’s parents who Sammy stills gets nervous around when Carson’s there. But the man is accepting of the things he’s going through, talking him down from times of panic when he thinks too much about how his parents feel. He never does tell his friends, not that he doesn’t want to, it’s just easier this way, and nothing has changed between the group, even when Carson and he are….. Whatever they are. 

Sammy still thinks back to that year he was with Carson, happy moments in times that weren’t so happy. He thinks back on kisses stolen in the dark of a park, kisses shared on Carson’s bed at home, kisses shared when it’s just the two of them, hours from home and feeling safe to be them. 

Sammy still can’t say the words to himself, not really, but he’s found that as long as he knows, he’s fine with it all. It can be frustrating at times, but as long as he’s comfortable and happy, he can get through his day to day life, especially now, that he’s no longer at home. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all like this! I'm going to be updating as much as I can, but not big promises, and if you wanna chat about it, King Falls, or any other shows I'm over @transjonmartin on tumblr and @HalfDryad on twitter!
> 
> Another great place to find me as at the LGBT+ Only King Falls AM discord! We're a happy and friendly bunch there, and if you'd like to join, come on in! 
> 
> [Gay Falls AM Discord](https://discord.gg/cDyXuza)


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